Ups & Downs

After Amy smacked me around and I got through the “1st week of school”, I found a bit of sanity again.  Actually, when I got on the scale on Saturday I was pleasantly surprised to see that I’d lost weight.  HOW that happened during amidst the stress is beyond me.  But I’ll take it.

Question is, how to decrease the stress moving forward?  Some serious stuff happened at work which I will blog about later, as I do have a colleague or two that check out the o'l’ blog and the serious stuff hasn’t been announced yet.  There's a good component and a bad component, and both are BIG stressors.   I think the fact that I lost weight last week was a fluke and I know, without question, that I NEED to find away to calm the waters as I move through these changes.  Believing as I do, that hormones rule in the weight loss world, I do not want to taunt Cortisol.  She won’t let me keep losing if I give her control.

After this week, I found myself battling depression this weekend.  At least, I think that’s what it was.  On Friday night, I sat comatose on the couch, falling asleep around 7:30 and not wanting to move, eat, or think.  I thought I wanted some low-carb ice cream but couldn’t bring myself to scoop it, and couldn't even imagine lifting the spoon and putting it in my mouth if I had.  I thought, as I sat there, that this must be what it feels like to die.  I’m not ready to go yet, and I’m not suicidal by any stretch of the imagination, but I felt….nothing.  Of course I was tired.  But this feeling was more than tired.  It was – numb.  I wasn’t sad, I didn’t cry, but I also didn’t necessarily want to feel any different.  That’s the best I can do in describing it.  The last time I felt that way was when I had post-partum depression after the birth of my 2nd daughter.  It was horrible.  At least this time it came and went within a couple days.

Saturday is always my hunting and gathering day.  I go to the farmer’s market for grass fed beef & free range chicken and this week also got some free range eggs and raspberries.  Then I headed to Wal-Mart for the staples.  I brought it all home and my dear husband moved my zero-gravity chair out into the sun,  where I listened to some podcasts and slept another 2 hours.

Jeff and I went to a local establishment, a new one for us, and we had a very nice meal.  It was probably the best I had felt all day.  Today was our weekly breakfast out and we went to Lakeside Farms – they cook up a great low-carb breakfast but the obstacles are the mammoth apple fritters!  I seriously need to avert my eyes!  As it happened, there was a craft fair today and I found a lovely pair of earrings and a bracelet that Jeff has promised to get me for Christmas.

I spent the afternoon half-heartedly watching a movie and taking a nap.  I also had to get ready for the week.  I’m trying to make an effort to bring “real food” to work and avoid the processed bars.  This takes planning, as you all know.

As I begin another week, I’m hoping that I get a call from the endocrinologist that my doc referred me to, as I know my thyroid plays a role in all this – low-grade depression is one of many symptoms of hypo-thyroid.  Though I take medication, it doesn’t mitigate any of the symptoms.  And this is acceptable?  Not to me.

So that’s my story today.  Here’s hoping for time to prep food, lower stress, some long walks, and a call from the doc this week.  All of those things would be great!  Here’s wishing for you, whatever you need this week to make it a good one!  Thanks for reading.